P-D Glasses

I hate 3 D glasses. I feel so dumb wearing them at theatres and I feel it really adds nothing to movies except a heftier ticket price.Recently I feel I’m always wearing new glasses wjen watching movies or observing the world in general – parent dimensional glasses if you will.
I have watched a lot of movies in my life but suddenly I’m twenty times more sensitive to violence or cruelty.  My husband and I tried to watch Scream recently, a movie we watched loads of times in our youth. Now neither one of us could get past 15 minutes and quickly had to turn on some star trek to cleanse our minds! Something has shifted the young stars were no longer peers but visions of what our daughter will be. I’m no longer Drew Barrymore home alone with jiffy pop I’m her mom who comes back to find her daughter gone.
Even worse we watched Hotel Rwanda a movie we had both seen before as well but though always hard to watch now ten times more disturbing.  This is the world in which my children live and how could people kill little children like mine? What if I had to protect my little ones in such a time?
Parental awareness is a bit of a drag!  The world is no longer just about me finding what I want out of it but its a place I’m preparing my kids for, I know I have to release them out into it. 
I love seeing the world fresh through Leia’s eyes everyday it’s such a joy, but I also see the darker aspects of the world afresh as her protector.  I can’t help but wonder now what it is for God to see his world as he sends his children out into it. He knows far better than me how far it has fallen and the danger that is lurking for his sons and daughters. It’s so comforting to know as parenthood bewilders me that he is my father,  being a parent gives that concept even more meaning. He cares for me a million times more than I can care for Leia and yet there is a similarity there in our loves that gives me peace. God’s a parent too he is just, you know, a perfect one 🙂
One other weird thing shows that should totally annoy me don’t. If I feel a kids show is wholesome and earnestly trying to entertain my kid suddenly I have patience for the really catchy tunes that get stuck in your head, the repition and the overacting.  Well most of the time anyway.

So you’re having a boy…

“Well this one’s definitely a boy” I hear the ultrasound tech say as I lay there with that wand thing on my belly. Then sure enough I see the confirmation without her pointing it out. Visual confirmation much easier this time around. Wow a boy. I mean I knew there was a good chance at least fifty percent but for some reason this announcement needs time to sink in. I don’t know why, I think I just kind of expected same thing as last time. Maybe my brain just had trouble because as cool as it is, it feels like a totally new job in some ways, and one for which I’m somehow less qualified for because I’m not a dude myself. For instance that crazy voice change thing where they sound weird for a while and then like overnight you hear them on the phone and you think it’s their dad, that will happen to this little person one day. It all seems so mysterious! And then someday he has to go to a different bathroom than leia and I when does that have to start?  And hey using the potty its different for him altogether so many differences!
Did I mention how much I love finding out the gender!!!!? I must say I feel so much more connected to the pregnancy now and knowing it is a he and not an it is so different. I can let all this sink in and I can get excited about having a little man around the house. Plus I can get boy clothes and really cool I don’t have to paint his room its already a boy color! The theme is outer space, think retro rocket ships and stars.
Never been more thankful for my husband maybe! I didn’t really have both a mom and dad a lot of my childhood and I just see how important it is for both of my kids, but yeah especially with a son on the way. Mom can support but there will be so much only dad can understand and vice versa with Leia.
One other note now that people know we are having a boy I often feel this subtle “oh so you can be done” vibe. Like we just needed a matching set of children?  I feel it subtly in my mind as well, I mean I make it no secret I don’t love pregnancy and labor. It’s a privilege to partner with God in creating life yes, but I admit I  just get through this process the best I can. I’ve read the books and I know what riki lake thinks and think its cool how excited so many of my friends get about all that stuff but at the end of the day it’s just not my thing. I can’t get that into it. I would love to not do it all again but I’m not assuming I’m off the hook because I’m having a boy. These are human beings not accessories 😉 So don’t be surprised if another little Scoggins comes into the world someday but man if it’s another boy I have no idea what we will name it because naming this one boy is proving really hard. …

Halfway

20 weeks today! The halfway mark of pregnancy. Here’s what I’m feeling:
Leg cramps arggh! Everyday now, most nights and every morning. Especially when I wake up a little earlier than I need to and am trying to fall back to sleep. As usual doctors don’t really know why pregnant women are prone to these, nice to know there is still mystery in the world.
I think I still kind of look weirdly fat rather than pregnant a lot of the times, though sometimes if wearing the right shirt I start to see- whoa now I’m pregnant.  I really thought I’d be bigger for some reason especially given that its my second. I think I feel big! I feel totally big, especially when trying to sleep
Hungry, sickness is 99% gone and pregnavore often wants to eat now.
While I feel pregnant. This time around things feel oddly suspended. The idea of a new child is a little more abstract than last time. I just am consumed with the life already going on around me rather than only thinking about the new one inside of me like I did with the first. I think tomorrow at the ultrasound that may start to shift. In my mind a lot of preparation has just been filed under “after I find out the gender I’ll think of that”. So tomorrow may make it all more real and get my mind into baby prep mode. While I’m totally excited about it I’m a little apprehensive about getting to that point as well. There is something nice about living with thid fuzzy idea of a new baby as oppposed to getting everything ready, reread those baby books because I don’t remember what system worked in what month for leia in the first year, and oh man there will be two of them at the same time!