Getting Real

The baby moves are becoming more frequent and recognizable,  and the big ultrasound is just around the corner. In my mind all baby preperations have been suspended until the ultrasound I mean I just am not into gender neutral and if it’s a boy obviously we will need clothes if it’s a girl I need to paint a room etc.  When I was pregnant with Leia all I could think of was that a baby was coming, now I have plenty of other things to think of namely my toddler. It’s definitely different but nevertheless it’s slowly becoming more real that a whole new person is just waiting to come out.
I feel it really impressed on me right now to have an open life, open for Leia open for others for fun and love. This openess means taking breaks, playing the day away instead of just letting life be a to do list. Part of me wonders why this is being impressed on me now when a new baby is coming, a person who will be nothing but needs and I have this fear of its arrival, like a precipice when I go over it all the fun stuff I do with Leia or the time I’ve carved out for myself is gone until I can get a handle on having two. God shouldn’t I be getting ready and shouldn’t you be getting me all about survival rather than you know, living and loving and all that?
Obviously God has a point. I don’t know what life will be like with a new baby and a toddler it may very well be many things! I imagine good and bad! My calling to rest in God and love my kids and everyone else, that stays the same, breastfeeding or no 🙂  I need to be intentional in wasting time playing with leia or talking with friends or spending time with God now more than ever. That wastefulness I am now convinced is where life really is, yes I have to clean and cook and take care of my body and finances but those are not the things I want my kids to remember me doing all the time. I want them to remember the welcome I gave them into my life, that I didn’t make them feel in the way of all the stuff I was trying to just get done, and the real messy love I had for them. With this new little bean things may get really messy no matter the detailed to do list I slave over, maybe its better I learn to get rid of it now 🙂


One thought on “Getting Real

  1. I think this concept is a good lesson for everyone to learn, or at least for me. I am sort of a “list person”, and sometimes I find myself becoming a slave to it. I like to get things done and make things organized and clean, but I want to enjoy life first and foremost, and sometimes I really have to remind myself to do it! Hope everything goes smoothly with #2!

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