Yes you read that write, I think my toddler may actually be my link to sanity right now as opposed to the one causing its disintegration! I was up way too early trying to sleep, giving up and starting to pray, and was given this new insight about motherhood. God is using Leia to help me!
This move from California to Ohio, from renting to owning a home, has been well mammoth in scope and problems. We always hear that moving is right up their with death of a loved one or marriage when it comes to stress, for the first time I really can understand that. David and I have moved A LOT but it was nothing compared to this somehow, it was just us and a car full of stuff, from one tiny rental to another. Now that we have Leia and have bought a house it is a whole different ball game somehow. I was not prepared for how much it would entail, and without listing out all my woes, we have just been beset with mishaps from the moment we left CA until now, one thing after another to the point where it is half comical at times. It is embarrassing to complain about, I mean we bought a house poor us, but the material blessings don’t shield my brain from the onslaught of organizing and decorating and maintenance issues and bills and more bills and car issues and home warranty and etc etc etc….
I have been learning a lot about how the female brain works lately, mostly through a great writer/speaker named Allison Armstrong who I can’t recommend enough for men and women, but a woman’s brain is made to notice a whole lotta things all at once. I think most women can relate to this idea that our attention is always being pulled in a thousand directions, that our environments actually speak to us, every mess, every corner not organized, every pillow out of place talks to us when we walk through a room, my brain has never been more scattered than now! So many things talking to me in this new house! There is no reprieve! Here is where Leia comes in (and my husband too, but Leia is a more constant presence 🙂
Leia demands precedence over pretty much everything a lot of the time. If it wasn’t for Leia I would always feel I had to do task after task, but as a Mom I can say no I am not doing that right now I need to spend time with my daughter. When the weather is halfway decent I feel the need to get her outside and so we both get fresh air and an escape from the house. Because the house is not that restful for me I make it a point to go on outings with her so I can be with her in places that are not yelling at me to fix them so much and can focus on her 🙂
Touch, Leia needs lots and lots of hugs and cuddles and she just comes and gets them regularly throughout the day. If I forget to slow down and pick her up she sure reminds me! It is easy as adults to go through our days without any meaningful touch. Even as a married person, we get so focused on all the things we are doing, but I think God made us to give and receive touch, Leia holds me to that and it grounds me and centers me in the day. It brings me back to earth and what is important if only for a moment.
Basically, having someone outside of myself to care for, a real tangible priority that is not me or a material object or a job, and having someone touching me and reminding me to love and be loved is a haven in this crazy season of our lives. It helps me be more mindful of my marriage in that way too. Having a toddler is just a really persistent way that God keeps tapping me on the shoulder so to speak, and reminds me to be human, to slow down, not waste my life and rest that crazy brain of mine.