I never really liked roller coasters. So fast, and the heights and the screaming, no I preferred the beauty and certainty of the carousel. I think as a Mom life often feels a lot more like a roller coaster, it is going soooo fast and just when you think you have it figured out, bam a quick change in direction. I think I try and make it like a carousel, pretty and orderly, but more often than not I feel life slowly creeping up steep hills or whip around a bend.
Did I have a life before Leia? It is so hard to imagine a time without her! I know that David and I traveled all over the world and moved a million times, I know it all happened, but premommyhood seems so fuzzy these days 🙂 I know it has been forever since I have written, so sorry. I think as I am looking ahead to lots of changes on the horizon I just wanted to stop for a minute and think about where I came from and where I am now.
Our family started somewhere around 8 years ago when David and I got married on a beach in New Hampshire. We lived a crazy vagabond life together that I would never trade. I don’t recommend people wait as long as we did to start expanding their family necessarily, (I will be honest I was definitely too obsessed with my dog, I am still a total dog person, but there was some frustrated nurturer in my relationship with Arnold I must admit!) but in my life I can see God’s goodness in family planning 🙂 When I became a mother, I was really ready (as ready as you can be anyway!).
Then there was Leia Juliet! Once a baby comes the world is never the same, as a woman you are not the same! The second she was born I was 100% a mom. I am still working out all the other things I am in relationship to that role. Mother can be so consuming, especially with tiny ones who are so dependent on you, and while I revel in the change and the mantle, I know I have other parts to play in this world too, not separate from “mom” and certainly not eclipsing or more important than “mom” but to be the best mom I can be I still need to be wife, friend, reader, thinker, etc etc etc.
Anyway, now Leia is 19 months old, she looks more “little girl” and less “baby” every day. She dances, and sometimes likes itsy bitsy spider, sometimes not, she loves Dora the Explorer and Mr. Rogers and playing outside. She delights in the company of dogs, watching squirrels, and stacking things, blocks or whatever else she can stack. She loves books, hates getting her nose or face wiped off and tolerates baths. She is quickly forming as an individual and she is irrevocably and tightly knit into our family. Our family. It used to be two and now it is three, and I can’t imagine it being any less.
As I look ahead, I see a move across the country, more time and closeness with our greater family (grandparents, aunt and uncles, etc), a new home and hopefully a new baby on the way soon. Yep, it is that time again. It hurts my head a bit to think we will go from three to four pretty soon God willing. Also crazy to think I will voluntarily go through pregnancy and labor again! It is all so exciting and wonderful, but I want to just take a snapshot of our family now, and maybe give it a big hug. Leia as the star of the show and the main attraction, it won’t last forever, and I don’t want it too, but I am nervous and a little sad about new characters entering the story I admit. There is already so much love, hard too imagine that same wild, overwhelming love could grow that much again!!
I look at Leia and how amazingly fast she has grown and changed since she was born, and how much I changed the moment she was placed in my arms, and it is hard to imagine the changes probably on their way. Am I ready? Probably not, but this is one ride I don’t want to get off of, the thrills and spills are definitely worth it.
OK, next post won’t be so serious, promise 😉