Leia is ten months old now. She could walk anyday (I try to not pressure her, but she has been “cruising” for a couple months now 😉 She eats more and more normal food and less and less purees. She plays with toys and is getting closer to saying real words (so hard to tell at this age, did she actually say mama or not? Once I really thought she said nana as in banana while she was eating one, but I could never get her to repeat it so I think it was just baby babble). She is exceptionally good natured, so far no real separation anxiety, she seems to smile and go towards anyone, her sleep is pretty good, not perfect but good. With the exception of this one month or so of fussiness and sleep issues when she was around 4 months, she has been a dream! (boy that month felt longer than a month though) She is doing so great and we love her so much,and watching her develop and grow is so fun and amazing, but the thing is she is almost not a baby anymore!!
She will be a year old in a couple months and I want to be excited about that, but I am kind of dreading it. I have so enjoyed my baby girl. It goes so amazingly fast, and I did the best I could to cherish every moment, I really did try and be mindful at how fleeting it all is while I enjoy the journey, but I think this is probably one of the hardest things about being a Mom, the whole growing up thing! It definitely makes me sure I want more kids!!!! I think this is an area I most need the Lord’s help, how to let them grow and actually move into the directions they need to go away from me. The love of a mother for her child, so strong, a miracle in itself, distinguished by selflessness, and yet can so quickly become self serving. I can even make loving and giving to my child all about me if I am not careful! I am reminded of C.S. Lewis’ The Four Loves, even those loves that seem pure and perfect can be twisted.
Steps to combat becoming crazy possessive Mom as opposed to healthy empowering Mom:
Pray! On every list for anything I guess, but so easy to not really dig in and do the thing!
Be a wife first. I don’t say put David first, just because presumably he will be around after the kids, but because I know it is best for Leia and whoever else comes along 😉 I want to give my kids the gift of living in and around a healthy marriage and I can love them so much better when I love David the way I should. Kids need so much it can be easy to blur the lines between husband and kid roles in your life, but even in the midst of the crazy baby and diaper years I have to find a way to put my relationship with David in the right place.
Be joyful in the Lord. Thank God for my life and go about all my work rejoicing and passing that joy on to my kids. Be in a relationship with my God, lose myself in him, not my kids. That is really a relationship they need to see healthy and vibrant. David and I have been reminded how we need to really dig in to our faith anew so our kids can see it real and lived out!
Yikes, such a lofty calling! So much easier to write than to do. Oh and one other thing about Leia growing up, it is impossible to eat around her and not share anymore. She just stumbles over to you and begs for whatever you are eating, you can either share or give her something else and hope it appeases her. I admit she has had a bit of cookie due to this new development (homemade of course, and with wheat flour and flaxmeal, but still)