sleep argghhh

Before I had Leia I read books about baby sleep and baby schedules, and when Leia came she kind of fell into a routine and I thought we were doing great! Now five months later I find myself in chaos.  I don’t even know how to describe it, her behavior and problems seem to change every week.

Around three months, after having consistent routines and great sleep habits, she seemed to hit her three month growth spurt and things have never been the same since. Sometimes she just gets up to eat every two or three hours, but recently she wakes up when she can’t possibly be sleepy too, and it is nearly impossible to get her to go to sleep! We had about two weeks where she was falling asleep with a lot less drama so I thought things were turning a corner and then three nights ago it just suddenly got worse than before! Tonight it took about three hours for her to reach a sound sleep, she just kept waking up every 20 minutes or so and fussing.

I will be honest I don’t mind getting up and nursing in the middle of the night that much, especially with the nursing issues we have had, I feel glad to have enough milk then and if she needs to eat I am OK with that. I just can’t take the turmoil it takes of getting her to sleep, or the waking up for no apparent reason and crying at night.

What have I tried? I feel like everything. I guess mainly the baby whisperer approach.  There seems to be no way around crying, sometimes she cries even when I am holding her and rocking her, so I check on her every 7 minutes or so and reassure her, but she is like the terminator right now! She will just fuss and fuss even though I can see she is exhausted. I have even tried more of a cry it out approach but it just doesn’t seem to work and I just can’t let her cry indefinitely.  I am always making sure she doesn’t need a burp, I give her “Little tummies” and usually it really seems it is more of an I don’t want to sleep in my bed thing rather than a I am hurting thing, though I really think teething is exacerbating everything right now.  She used to have no trouble going to sleep in her crib, and I put her in before she was asleep and she had no trouble. I didn’t nurse her to sleep, I was following the baby whisperer/babywise approach and it was working, what happened??  That is the rub for me, it was all going so well it is so hard not to feel somehow I did something to ruin it.

It is so tough, it seems anything I try I feel bad about and second guess myself. Tonight I just kept holding her and putting her back to bed, after about 4 times it finally stuck. At one point I broke down and just brought her out of her room and sat on the couch with her and let her pass out. Maybe not my best moment, but David is out of town!

Naptime is another roller coaster, some days it works, some days it doesn’t, and somedays I just give up trying. I just wish I could understand! I also wish I felt there was some consistency. Everytime I think things are getting better they change again.

At least I get to hold her a lot. I wish she could happily drift off to sleep and get good rest, but if is teeth ( I think I can see a tooth trying to push its way out) or gas or who knows what and she just needs to be held in order to go to sleep at this point I am just ready to say so be it and at least treasure the extra snuggles.

Little Purses- a memorial

I don’t know what a purse says about a woman, but I seemed to accumulate a lot of little purses in my pre mommyhood days. I had some medium sized purses to travel with, but since I started carrying purses I seemed to gravitate towards dainty as opposed to cavernous. In my closet is a graveyard of cute purses and who knows when they will be used again? Should I just get rid of them?

There are a couple little gray numbers for winter, one with a little black bow. There is a white linen purse, with pink gingham check inside and a big green embroidered A on the outside :), there are purses from travels, one that kind of looks like a tapestry from Venice, a purple purse from Peru. A trusty green travel purse that has held up well through several international trips and daily wear in California as well. There are purses I can’t even remember I am sure.  I am not a fashionista by any means, but I miss my purses. I really like my diaper bags,  I am thankful that diaper bags have gotten stylish instead of those awful looking things I remember women carrying when I was growing up. Plastic looking, with pastels and peanuts characters or winnie the pooh on them, no way they could be mistaken for anything other than a diaper bag! But for a small purse girl, diaper bags are huge! I feel like I am going to the airport everytime I go anywhere. Even those rare moments when I get out of the house without Leia a lot of times I end up just grabbing my wallet instead of digging out a purse.

I am so proud to be a Mommy and revel in my new role. I was really ready for this, but you know there are those little things that make you realize how different you are.  Will a little purse ever work, lets say I get out of the baby years of all the kids we might be blessed with, even as they grow, won’t I need a big purse to accomodate snacks and cups and etc etc etc?  I miss traveling light! Now a trip anywhere requires so much thought, diapers, wipes, tummy medicine, maybe a bottle, burp rag, extra clothes for her (realistically I should bring an extra shirt for me half the time!), stroller, carseat, toys…..

So whatever my little purses may have said about me at one time, that woman is diaper bag woman now and for the foreseeable future will be carrying bigger bags! I may try and bring out a little purse for those rare mommy nights out, but mainly as with so many thing Mom, it is function over form (though in all fairness my diaper bags are pretty cool 😉