So today I am sitting in church having all kinds of Braxton Hicks contractions and it hits me, I could be pregnant for 5 more weeks. I mean this could go on until the end of April if she wants to come two weeks late. I am sure this doesn’t sound like a big deal, and it shouldn’t really be a surprise. At that moment though 5 weeks just sounded ridiculously long, almost like nine more months somehow!
I have tried to not focus on the due date, they are pretty arbitrary. I have told myself there is really like a 5 week window here when she might come. Somehow though I have been focusing on the fact I only have ten more days of work and seem to have been hearing more early baby stories as opposed to late ones (one couple in our childbirth class never made it to the second session because she was rushed from her regular weekly check up to the hospital for a C-section) and it just seems so hard to imagine I could theoretically have over a month to go (or I could go into labor tomorrow or in a week, arrgh!).
I know, I know, babies come when they are ready, enjoy having her so close etc etc. It is all true and good advice and I totally agree with it. It is amazing that she is in there rolling around and I am so happy she seems to be healthy and we had such a quick conception and the pregnancy has been normal. We are bringing her into a loving and stable home and we have provision for her and everything she needs. I am so blessed!
It’s just things like not feeling like I have been able to breathe for months, moving around like Jabba the Hut, heartburn, hot flashes, etc etc etc. I literally have to roll out of bed now, it takes so much to get in and out of bed, to try and get comfortable only to have to go to the bathroom a little later. My stomach contracting in weird and sometimes painful ways, especially at night when I am trying to rest. Then just being tired. I have things I want to accomplish, small tasks like laundry and light cleaning, that just seem to never get done because when I come home from work I have no steam left. I can’t really remember not being pregnant, it is a pretty long road. Then of course it ends with labor. I really would rather not think about it anymore and get on with it. I just want to get into the zone and power through it and meet our girl!
It’s strange I am at peace with three weeks, getting to that due date, having my nesting burst of energy come when I am at home not working anymore and then she comes. Maybe even four weeks, but five that just sounds crazy to me right now! I am more comfortable with her coming early and me not having all the things done I wanted to get done too, I mean hey if she was really early who can blame me? The car seat is in the car anyway.
I know early or late will not matter at all after she comes, and she will be in my arms and all the weird, gross and uncomfortable things that have happened to me the last 37 weeks will fade away from my mind and be replaced with taking care of a tiny newborn. I know it, but it is hard to not feel like a week makes a huge difference right now.
This is a cool quote I found though:
“Birth is God’s time. It can’t be rushed or programmed to suit anyone’s clock. It is a time to simply be there, respecting the woman’s space and the natural rhythms of her body. Think of how time ceases to have relevance when you are caught up in the presence of God worshipping Him or when you are in love and spending time with your beloved. Time flies by and you barely notice. Birth time is the timing of nature. Who knows when spring will come? Can a budding flower be found open? Yet in time, these things unfold. So does birth. – Julie Bell