Warning: “Mood swings, anxiety and increased irritability are common during the last three months of pregnancy.”
I think I have been pretty good overall as a pregnant lady. I don’t think David even knows half the time when I have pregnant lady freak outs, and they are pretty rare overall. I feel like as I am getting closer to the end, like contractions, they seem to be getting closer together and more frequent though. Sometimes I will just be folding her little clothes (which are not the easiest things to fold) and I find I am starting to cry. Usually I am alone and just kind of let it out for a bit, and then go on with my day. Most of the time, I have no idea why I am upset. Sometimes it starts with something like not feeling prepared or who knows, running out of those little baby hangers, or just seeing a baby swimsuit at a store or a commercial with a baby, seeing a woman giving birth or the time when I went to get an icee and the machine was broken 😦 To add to the irrational nature of it all, sometimes I am really happy before or after an “episode”. Sometimes, I just feel like I can’t wait anymore too! I just want to hold Leia Juliet so bad, and that makes me feel emotional too. I hate using hormones as an excuse to be a nutball, but sometimes it really feels outside of my control for a few minutes.
Plus, there is so much momentum right now, in the last two days I had a very beautiful shower 😉 , a doctors appointment (she’s still a girl!) and a visit with our doula to talk about the birth. We have childbirth classes and the hospital maternity ward tour in the next two or three weeks too. I would think about the baby without all these things, but now it seems like outside of work, most of my schedule is taken up by baby stuff! When not doing scheduled things I am reading books or getting her room ready anyway (that is when I am not so tired I just fall asleep instead). So there is a lot of hurry up and wait kind of feelings.
Then of course there is my body. I feel more and more momentum there too. I feel more tired, more uncomfortable. Sometimes it feels like she will just fall out when I am walking (if only if it were that easy!). My walks with the dog feel more like mountain climbing (so glad I have a dog though, Arnold is a great encourager to keep moving and get that light exercise that is recommended for me at this stage). I sleep less at night (but I still have to go to work boo!). People keep saying my belly looks small, I don’t know if they are just being nice, but I hope that means she will be a little 6 pounder like I was!
Now that my doula Gracie explained to me what Braxton Hicks contractions are like I am pretty sure I have been feeling those and just thought it was the baby moving (FYI these are small little contractions that don’t hurt and aren’t very noticeable but are slowly getting the uterus ready to do its big job I guess). The doctors always tell you to be on the lookout for preterm labor at this point, but contractions still seem so abstract to me. I am sure if that started happening I would know something was up, but having never experienced childbirth before I just have no idea what a contraction is supposed to feel like.
All of me is totally caught up in this journey now, there definitely is no stopping it! I am praying for and picturing in my mind more how labor might go, trying to be super flexible, but my main hope is that I just really trust the Lord through it and trust my body and go with it. I just want to stay calm and focused. My dream is that most of it happens at home and then at the hospital they are like “OK girl its time to push!” as soon as I get there. I don’t want to lay in the hospital for hours and hours hooked up to wires and IVs so I am really hoping my labor just progresses naturally and quick. But realizing I have to take my labor as it comes and if it doesn’t play out perfectly that that will be OK too, as long as Leia is there in the end and healthy that is the main thing.
Oh one good thing, my doctor said she only does an episiotomy maybe 1 out of 30 births and that is something they have really moved away from these days. That makes me feel better (if you don’t know what that is look it up, but be careful because my husband accidentally saw one on youtube and he cannot get over it LOL). I know it wouldn’t be that big a deal if it did have to happen, at least not at the time, but mentally it is an awful idea to me and in case my doctor isn’t on duty it is still going on my birth plan that I really don’t want one unless it is an emergency!