My Mommy Wish

I really admire calm, cool and collected Moms. It seems like worry is a problem women are especially prone to, and maybe Moms more than anyone. I go into mommyhood knowing that worry is a struggle for me. I think I have gotten better at giving things to the Lord as I have gotten older and had more life experience and have spent more time walking with the Lord, but motherhood feels like a worry minefield. It is so tempting to worry about so many things! My big wish as Leia’s Mom is that I don’t pass this anxiety on to her, that she grows up with a Mom that models having the peace that passes understanding!

The third trimester seems particularly stressful. For one thing all the symptoms for problems that can arise in your pregnancy at this time are also totally normal parts of pregnancy. Did anyone else always wonder if they were getting toxemia? Then you are just getting so close to the big L & D. What will pushing a human out of me be like? Will Leia be OK? Or will they have to pull her out with forceps and she ends up sounding like Sly Stallone? Also, pretty soon I will have a newborn baby to take care of, will I know what to do? will the babies room be ready (hey girl, if all else fails I am pretty sure I will have a hamper of dirty laundry you can sleep in!! Plus if you have an “explosion” its all going into the wash anyway.).

And then, there is this strange thing….

At my last OBGYN visit I had a series of routine blood tests done.  It was the one where you drink the weird sugar drink and they test for gestational diabetes among other things. My advice to anyone pregnant or not yet pregnant, make the appointment for that in the afternoon. The sugar drink isn’t that bad, but I think it would have made me sick if I had had to drink it in the morning. Anyway, I got a call from the doctor a couple days ago saying she wanted to talk to me about my results. I assumed I would need to take iron supplements or something, but instead she informed me that my blood has become RH sensitized??? This is super confusing to me, and I have another appointment tomorrow because in your third trimester going to the doctor is your part time job, and I will discuss it with her more, but basically my blood has started creating antibodies that are at odds with the baby’s blood. If anyone had to have a rhogam shot it has to do with that (you only have to do this if you have a negative blood type so not everyone does). The Rhogam shot takes care of the problem for like 99% of women apparently, but somehow my blood was already creating these antibodies before I got the shot thus making it ineffective for me. LEIA IS FINE! The doc assured me that this isn’t a problem for this pregnancy and she confirmed it with a specialist as well,because the body doesn’t make enough antibodies to do any harm for the first pregnancy, but she said this could lead to any future pregnancies automatically being really high risk.  It could also be nothing, but they can’t confirm this until after I deliver for some reason. But she wanted me to know about it because it will probably come up a lot, especially in the hospital when they will give me further tests to confirm this will be an ongoing issue.  So there is nothing to worry about right now, and nothing I can do or know until we are in the hospital with Leia, but it definitely threw me for a loop. And  most people seem to have never heard of this (so if you know anyone who had this too who ended up having no trouble let me know, I would like it to not seem so strange!).  I have met one girl who had this issue and had a healthy baby in spite of it, but in her case she had had several miscarriages previously and that is probably how her blood became “sensitized”. It is really puzzling to me, because from all the reading I have done I have had none of the causes of this, no miscarriages, no abortions, no trauma to the stomach.  I hope to find out more tomorrow. But anyway, I feel like I am really getting the opportunity to learn how to have greater faith and trust in God! David and I want to have at least three kids, and things were going so smoothly and easily I just thought it would always be that way. This RH thing can certainly lead to lots of scary thoughts and fears if I allow my mind to dwell on it.  Great time to learn how to focus on all that I have to be thankful for. Leia is still totally fine, kicking like a crazy person lately, we are both so excited for her to come! We are in a great place in life to have a baby, great marriage, great church, and just such a feeling of expectation and joy at the prospect of family.  Leia, like all babies, is such a miracle and such a reminder that life is so much bigger than me. Only God could create life in this way, and he will create life in me again and again if he chooses.  We are beginning a look at Genesis in church, it is so amazing to think of the creation going on inside my own body! So fragile and delicate, yet so fully under God’s control (because who else could do this??).


5 thoughts on “My Mommy Wish

  1. Sorry you’re stressed hon! If this is what I think it is, I’ve definitely heard of it, and though I don’t know anyone who’s had it off the top of my head, my understanding is that they can definitely help you to have children in spite of it. Being high risk doesn’t have to mean no more kids. Hope things continue to go well! When’s your last day of work?

    • April 8th! I am going to start a countdown soon 🙂 (Of course she could come early!) I really doubt this will keep us from having more kids, it is just the fear of going through the possible loss of children that sounds so scary. I am really lucky to live in a time and place where I can see specialists and there is so much they can do. They can even do blood transfusions in the womb now, which seems so crazy to me. Plus, Leia is fine and I am sure we really distract me from all this either way the tests come out.

  2. Hi, Amanda,
    This really isn’t relevant to you, but my mother, David’s grandmother, was told she had the RH problem with her last pregnancy. At that time if there was an incompatibility they would have to exchange all of the baby’s blood soon after birth. She was lucky and everything was fine. I bet you will be too! Keep up the good work.
    Aunt Susie

    • That is a strange coincidence because this seems somewhat rare! I think the post birth blood transfusion is still something they have to do at times. It is one of those things that can range from no problems to the baby having a bit of anemia to babies having horrible things like liver disease in the third trimester or exchanging all the baby’s blood at birth. So I guess we will just have to take it one day at a time and not worry about it for now.

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