I have one week left in my second trimester (at least by some counts, there seems to be discrepancy as to whether or not it starts at week 27 or week 28, I am going with week 27). Most of me is like “Oh yeah!” and a little of me is “oh crap i only got to feel halfway decent for like three weeks because I was nauseated for so long! what is coming next?”. My Mom says you are nervous about giving birth until you get into the third trimester, then you are just so uncomfortable you just want to get it over with more than anything. Another blogger mentioned if it would have helped being willing to cut off their own toes to be able to go into labor near the end. For me right now, it is more of the mental game that I wonder about, I am getting pretty antsy to get this girl out into my arms! I have discomfort and fatigue for sure, but the thought of waiting and waiting for her to come, especially once I get close or past my due date and I am not at work anymore and the size of Buick I just wonder how I will stand it, because I can hardly wait now!
Pregnant Lady Island, it might conjure up images of pregnant ladies laying on a tropical beach being served fruity nonalcoholic drinks (or cherry slurpees- whatever) and whatever weird food they may crave. This sounds like a great idea to me actually, but what I am referring to is feeling like I am kind of on an island, waiting, only half able to concentrate on anything outside of the life growing inside of me (partly because my body is so totally changed by it!). I mean I feel her kicking me all the time, how can I not be aware of the fact she is on her way? I find I have all those nesting desires, I want her room to be “ready” not because of any practical reason, but so I can feel like I am being a mom or something, but if given the choice I would just have the baby now and let her lay on a pile of clothes if I had to and who cares about the nursery! All the books on parenting and classes, I have a compulsive need to digest, all feel like filler sometimes. I so want to be as prepared and knowledgeable as possible. I am not falling into parenthood, but entering into it with thought and awe, but wow the closer it gets the more I just want it to come.
But for now I need to find meaning in waiting. There is no use pretending I am not waiting for something. In normal life it is right and good to focus on right where you are at being content and enjoying the moment, but when you are pregnant it is like you are in this special waiting zone, just like the Bible uses the analogy of a pregnant woman comparing it to creation waiting for that final redemption. There is this ever present reminder within me that hey something is coming! This isn’t the end, you are headed towards a big change! This is a time of preparation and hope (and heartburn). It is strange, I wonder what it means, I am the only one who feels her move all the time, the only one carrying her around inside of me 24/7. We are so intimately bound up with one another right now. I guess I should enjoy it, because when she can walk she will be always running her own way. She won’t remember this time we spent waiting and growing together, but I will.
So we will see how this goes. I am getting better at my pregnant lady exercise video! I have plenty to read and lots more house cleansing (selling or throwing away old junk) to do before she comes. I know I will look back and realize this was a short time, a flash in the pan (just like childbirth right 😉 ?)