Jabba the Hutt

Princess Leia hat!

OK so maybe its overkill, but Jabba the Hut comes to mind lately when I think of how I feel sometimes. I hope you all remember Jabba the Hut, the huge grotesque crime lord of star wars fame, involved in one of the best movie scenes eva when Luke comes in and we see him in his Jedi awesomeness, anyway I digress. I don’t feel grotesque by any means, I am not self conscious about my bump, actually this is the one time in my life I am not self conscious about my stomach area its pretty cool! I love it and my husband is great at making me feel pretty and pregnant, but I do feel like a big slug sometimes. Yesterday every step seemed to be a struggle, out of breath and stiff and sore, I was so tired by the end of the work day i felt I could hardly walk home.  I just want to lay around like Jabba eating snacks on the couch that I don’t have to cook myself most of the time! Also, Jabba’s attitude is becoming a little easier to adopt, especially near the end of a day with third grade boys. I can’t imagine what I will be like if Leia decides to come really late, bleck.

I am pretty good about keeping up the walking thanks to Arnold and the beautiful weather we are having helps keep a little pep in my step, but yes I am feeling the burden of all this extra weight pulling me down more and more lately. I have not gained too much extra fat weight yet though, so hopefully it won’t be too bad after Leia comes.

As for my last doctor visit, it left me feeling better about the whole RH issue. The doctor was as puzzled as me as to how it could have happened. I tested negative at the beginning of the pregnancy and obviously I haven’t miscarried or anything since then because there is a very healthy looking baby girl wiggling around in my tummy. She thinks it is so odd that it might just be a lab fluke and that is what I am hoping to find out after Leia is born. If not and I am that 1% kind of girl that got this for no normal reason then she said it really just means they will have to take care of me differently next time. I am over the initial what in the world is wrong with me feeling though and will take it as it comes, but I am not dwelling on it praise God!

What I am dwelling on is how much I want Leia to come and to begin being a full time Mom! Driving me nuts, so hard to wait, especially when you feel like Jabba the Hutt, and then of course the flip side of that will I be ready when she gets here??  So a lot of moment by moment prayers asking God to forgive my worry and anxiousness here and there.

Oh and I had to insert the pic of the awesome hat my best friend Christy made for Leia! Talk about making my day when I got this in the mail 🙂


My Mommy Wish

I really admire calm, cool and collected Moms. It seems like worry is a problem women are especially prone to, and maybe Moms more than anyone. I go into mommyhood knowing that worry is a struggle for me. I think I have gotten better at giving things to the Lord as I have gotten older and had more life experience and have spent more time walking with the Lord, but motherhood feels like a worry minefield. It is so tempting to worry about so many things! My big wish as Leia’s Mom is that I don’t pass this anxiety on to her, that she grows up with a Mom that models having the peace that passes understanding!

The third trimester seems particularly stressful. For one thing all the symptoms for problems that can arise in your pregnancy at this time are also totally normal parts of pregnancy. Did anyone else always wonder if they were getting toxemia? Then you are just getting so close to the big L & D. What will pushing a human out of me be like? Will Leia be OK? Or will they have to pull her out with forceps and she ends up sounding like Sly Stallone? Also, pretty soon I will have a newborn baby to take care of, will I know what to do? will the babies room be ready (hey girl, if all else fails I am pretty sure I will have a hamper of dirty laundry you can sleep in!! Plus if you have an “explosion” its all going into the wash anyway.).

And then, there is this strange thing….

At my last OBGYN visit I had a series of routine blood tests done.  It was the one where you drink the weird sugar drink and they test for gestational diabetes among other things. My advice to anyone pregnant or not yet pregnant, make the appointment for that in the afternoon. The sugar drink isn’t that bad, but I think it would have made me sick if I had had to drink it in the morning. Anyway, I got a call from the doctor a couple days ago saying she wanted to talk to me about my results. I assumed I would need to take iron supplements or something, but instead she informed me that my blood has become RH sensitized??? This is super confusing to me, and I have another appointment tomorrow because in your third trimester going to the doctor is your part time job, and I will discuss it with her more, but basically my blood has started creating antibodies that are at odds with the baby’s blood. If anyone had to have a rhogam shot it has to do with that (you only have to do this if you have a negative blood type so not everyone does). The Rhogam shot takes care of the problem for like 99% of women apparently, but somehow my blood was already creating these antibodies before I got the shot thus making it ineffective for me. LEIA IS FINE! The doc assured me that this isn’t a problem for this pregnancy and she confirmed it with a specialist as well,because the body doesn’t make enough antibodies to do any harm for the first pregnancy, but she said this could lead to any future pregnancies automatically being really high risk.  It could also be nothing, but they can’t confirm this until after I deliver for some reason. But she wanted me to know about it because it will probably come up a lot, especially in the hospital when they will give me further tests to confirm this will be an ongoing issue.  So there is nothing to worry about right now, and nothing I can do or know until we are in the hospital with Leia, but it definitely threw me for a loop. And  most people seem to have never heard of this (so if you know anyone who had this too who ended up having no trouble let me know, I would like it to not seem so strange!).  I have met one girl who had this issue and had a healthy baby in spite of it, but in her case she had had several miscarriages previously and that is probably how her blood became “sensitized”. It is really puzzling to me, because from all the reading I have done I have had none of the causes of this, no miscarriages, no abortions, no trauma to the stomach.  I hope to find out more tomorrow. But anyway, I feel like I am really getting the opportunity to learn how to have greater faith and trust in God! David and I want to have at least three kids, and things were going so smoothly and easily I just thought it would always be that way. This RH thing can certainly lead to lots of scary thoughts and fears if I allow my mind to dwell on it.  Great time to learn how to focus on all that I have to be thankful for. Leia is still totally fine, kicking like a crazy person lately, we are both so excited for her to come! We are in a great place in life to have a baby, great marriage, great church, and just such a feeling of expectation and joy at the prospect of family.  Leia, like all babies, is such a miracle and such a reminder that life is so much bigger than me. Only God could create life in this way, and he will create life in me again and again if he chooses.  We are beginning a look at Genesis in church, it is so amazing to think of the creation going on inside my own body! So fragile and delicate, yet so fully under God’s control (because who else could do this??).

Third Trimester: by the end will pants contain me??

It’s not that I feel fat. The doctor said my weight was good (wish I had recorded that) and when I look in the mirror I don’t see a fatty. It’s just that maternity pants I bought earlier are starting to feel a little tighter and sweats and pj pants I wore for quite a while have been put away because they have become uncomfortable. I just wonder how big will my belly get??? I just kind of thought I would buy a few pairs of maternity pants and they would be comfortable for nine months, not so sure about that now….

If pregnancy wasn’t so awesome and amazing it would be kind of like a horror movie. I mean what is happening to me? This belly keeps growing and getting harder and hey something is mo ving in there LOL! Seriously, I love my baby bump, but it’s also, well, weird.  The belly increasingly feels pulled down by gravity when I walk and as it grows even more I get little cramps and pains and I know I am definitely moving into a waddle.

I am probably lucky that I lost weight in the first trimester, or my weight might not be so great. Will power against food was never my strong point, but it is even harder when you are preggers!! I saw that cadbury eggs are out now (noooo!) I resisted, but I don’t know how long I can!! I love those darn things. I wish I just craved fruit and salads that would be awesome. I have a new friend though, it is the “Slush Mug”. In my craze for anything frozen I remembered when I was little we had this mug that would make slushies out of anything and of course thought “hey I wonder if amazon has those?” sure enough they do! I can pour any juice in there and it becomes a slushy! Woohoo!

Other crazy wonderful weird thing– the fact food will come out of my body and feed Leia Juliet! I have mentioned how important breastfeeding is to me and how cool I think it is that God designed a perfect food for babies and how I want to persevere no matter what with it, but the more I read and think about that moment when she comes out and they ask me if I want to feed her I just can’t believe it will actually work!! I mean who ever really thinks of their body being a full service restaurant, especially that part of you LOL!!! I know we have been doing it since the dawn of time, but really is it going to work???

I guess to summarize this point in the journey, feeling very excited as well as feeling very pregnant and increasingly big!

Bring on the Baby Butt!

Well I definitely feel like I have more of a handle on the whole cloth diapering thing. I hope she doesn’t come and I go “oh no I got the wrong stuff”, but in general I think it is simplified in my head after attending a short class. David and I both got the technique pretty quick, of course it will be different with a wiggly live baby as opposed to a doll, and that combined with sleep deprivation, well I sure am glad you don’t have to use the pins anymore, that could be dangerous given the circumstances! Snappis rock!  (these little plastic stretchy thing people use now instead of the pins)

I am thinking prefolds and covers to start with for sure, then maybe trying some of the “all in one” types as she gets a bit bigger. (If you don’t know what I am talking about that is OK because I didn’t either at all when I got pregnant, just now starting to become clear to me).  The little covers are just so cute! All things for newborns are so cute, they are just so small!!! When I was little I had a miniature collection for a while, I just love tiny things!

I am trying to look at cloth diapering as the only option, like a pioneer woman, or maybe like I am Claire on Lost and I have no other choice (yes I started thinking today about what in the world did she do with Aaron, I can see how she made diapers but was she lucky enough to find some safety pins in the wreckage?) I saw how much disposable diapers cost and given the fact I am blessed to get to be a full time Mom I just don’t see how I can justify the waste and cost of disposables. (I mean geez I would have to go back to work just to pay for the diapers!) So if I see them as the only way from the get go then I am hoping I can weather the storm of fatigue and poo and laundry 🙂 I am kind of doing that with breastfeeding as well, (sorry the few guys who read this), I REALLY want it to go well, I want to breastfeed only for a good solid year, I think it is a wonderful healthy thing and also it is free! I know you can have troubles, but everything I have read says if you persevere you can do it, so I am hoping to tough out any challenges we may have and not give up (also hoping for a wonderful natural experience if possible of course!).

One other cool thing, we were at the doctor’s yesterday and she said totally of her own volition, I did not even ask, that “my weight was good”. Now this is cool, can’t remember the last time a doctor just happened to say that to me! I guess it is a good thing I lost ten pounds in the beginning from all the puking after all.


Pregnant Lady Island

I have one week left in my second trimester (at least by some counts, there seems to be discrepancy as to whether or not it starts at week 27 or week 28, I am going with week 27). Most of me is like “Oh yeah!” and a little of me is “oh crap i only got to feel halfway decent for like three weeks  because I was nauseated for so long! what is coming next?”. My Mom says you are nervous about giving birth until you get into the third trimester, then you are just so uncomfortable you just want to get it over with more than anything. Another blogger mentioned if it would have helped being willing to cut off their own toes to be able to go into labor near the end. For me right now, it is more of the mental game that I wonder about, I am getting pretty antsy to get this girl out into my arms! I have discomfort and fatigue for sure, but the thought of waiting and waiting for her to come, especially once I get close or past my due date and I am not at work anymore and the size of Buick I just wonder how I will stand it, because I can hardly wait now!

Pregnant Lady Island, it might conjure up images of pregnant ladies laying on a tropical beach being served fruity nonalcoholic drinks (or cherry slurpees- whatever) and whatever weird food they may crave. This sounds like a great idea to me actually, but what I am referring to is feeling like I am kind of on an island,  waiting, only half able to concentrate on anything outside of the life growing inside of me (partly because my body is so totally changed by it!). I mean I feel her kicking me all the time, how can I not be aware of the fact she is on her way?  I find I have all those nesting desires, I want her room to be “ready” not because of any practical reason, but so I can feel like I am being a mom or something, but if given the choice I would just have the baby now and let her lay on a pile of clothes if I had to and who cares about the nursery! All the books on parenting and classes, I have a compulsive need to digest, all feel like filler sometimes.  I so want to be as prepared and knowledgeable as possible. I am not falling into parenthood, but entering into it with thought and awe, but wow the closer it gets the more I just want it to come.

But for now I need to find meaning in waiting. There is no use pretending I am not waiting for something. In normal life it is right and good to focus on right where you are at being content and enjoying the moment, but when you are pregnant it is like you are in this special waiting zone, just like the Bible uses the analogy of a pregnant woman comparing it to creation waiting for that final redemption. There is this ever present reminder within me that hey something is coming! This isn’t the end, you are headed towards a big change! This is a time of preparation and hope (and heartburn). It is strange, I wonder what it means, I am the only one who feels her move all the time, the only one carrying her around inside of me 24/7. We are so intimately bound up with one another right now. I guess I should enjoy it, because when she can walk she will be always running her own way. She won’t remember this time we spent waiting and growing together, but I will.

So we will see how this goes. I am getting better at my pregnant lady exercise video! I have plenty to read and lots more house cleansing (selling or throwing away old junk) to do before she comes. I know I will look back and realize this was a short time, a flash in the pan (just like childbirth right 😉 ?)

The year of Leia!

I am not a big New Year’s person. Never been into making resolutions and things like that. I am excited about this year though. We have had a good 2010, finding a church home we can really commit to and getting pregnant are a couple of the big blessings we have had. 2011 promises to be a huge year for us because it holds the promise of a new baby.  David and I have both really been struck lately with how ready we are to enter this new phase of our life together. There is a momentum we are just caught up in and it’s very powerful. God’s timing is perfect and we are very open to this new season. That is not to say I feel totally ready to be the most perfect put together Mom ever, I know that parenthood will be like nothing I have ever experienced. Similar to marriage, it is just something you have to experience to understand I think. I am sure I will have hair pulling out days and stir crazy days with my new baby (pulling out my hair not her pulling out hers or me pulling out hers of course) and I anticipate motherhood being the hardest job I have ever had on several levels, I mean growing up isn’t meant to be easy. When I met David and we were engaged jumping into marriage felt like it was the natural next step, a step that if I didn’t take it I would be not growing as I should, I would be sinfully clinging to an old phase of life God didn’t want me in anymore. For all the fearfulness it is easy to have about being a parent (and the paranoia, I am starting to get crazy new Mom syndrome where I wake up thinking things like “what if there is a big earthquake in the middle of the night and Baby Leia is in her crib and I am in bed and I can’t get to her!”), there is this inescapable feeling of peace and joy for both myself and David as we embrace a total life change in 2011. We know Leia will change our world forever in ways we can’t even imagine now, but we can’t imagine her not coming! We are just at a place where it’s time to grow and change and doing anything else would be weird and wrong. When we first got married over six years ago, we were both pretty skittish about having kids to be honest, but now to think of our marriage without making babies would seem so empty to us both. We are just so excited for her to come and I love it 🙂

Now I just need some patience. I feel like everyone is having their babies and I am left alone on pregnant lady Island. I am not sure if it helps that I will be going to work until she comes, on one hand it keeps me busy I guess, on the other since her coming coincides with me getting to not go to work  it makes me that much more antsy for her to come, not to mention wondering how difficult work is going to be as I move into the third trimester discomfort. Still unless she pops out early (which would rock) April 8th is the day I am planning on as my last, and really that just isn’t very far away at all!

So now to wait and expect and get ready (made major headway on clearing out her room this break, ready for her things to fill it!). I know that God designed the length of pregnancy the way he did with a purpose and I am sure these next three months are not a waste of time at all.