Somewhere around 4 in the morning my baby woke me up with her movements! I am pretty sure I felt some movement before, but this was really definite and I could also feel it with my hand. What can you say? Honestly, I have had some really unique experiences, traveled the world and not just touristy Mexico and Europe, but some freaky places like Syria and Dubai, lived in Beirut, and explored China and South America, and life in any country is never dull with my husband David of course, I mean I think sometimes he is really the world’s most “interesting” man, not the guy in those beer commercials. Having a little human being moving around inside of you, with a brain and all the things that makes us who we are, swimming around in you, totally dependent on you, and somehow created from you and your husband, well this experience tops them all I have to say. Maybe seeing her face to face will top it, but feeling her kick is quite mind blowing. I love it, I love having yet another reminder she is always with me during the day (and night) and it is a much nicer reminder than the throwing up that is for sure.
As I get to know this person as best I can from out here, through knowing that hey she is a girl, giving her a name (still up in the air about the middle name, we had first names since our honeymoon we failed to think about middle names then and now it is impossible!) and feeling her kick, I love that God is teaching me more about sacrifice than at any other point in my life. I really can understand why God loves to use the role of Father and parent to relate to us, at least I understand it more now. I really already know I would sacrifice my life for this little one, do anything so she could grow into who she should be. Teaching her and discipling her is already my top priority, making sure I am who I should be so I can be a model for her to follow, that influences me even now. I thought I sacrificed myself for other people before, but now that I am faced with Leia, someone so dependent and fragile and needy I am prepared to give so much more of myself than ever before to another person and oddly enough, at least so far, it feels less like a sacrifice than silly things I have done for people in the past, my love for her is just that strong and thinking of her hurting or thinking of her choosing a wrong or dangerous path already breaks my heart so much, I will do whatever I can to give her the tools to go the right way. And then I think of that fact that God is my father and I am His child, and how much more intense is his love and care for me….WOW!
It’s also really fun to see David starting to be able to feel more in tune to what is going on. It is so hard for guys who don’t carry the baby I think to really feel like their is a person in there. For months I was just really sick and miserable looking to him. Now he is connecting more to the baby and getting more excited it is awesome. I am so excited to raise a daughter with my husband! I didn’t have a father for much of my childhood and I just love that my girl will have David in her life to make her feel safe and be a model of a husband and a Daddy for her.
OK that was a long emotional entry, enough for now 🙂