OK, so the on and off nausea is definitely a drag. I mean so much of my life is still focused on trying to not get sick right now, but all that is left of me is thinking of baby. I really really really want to know this child and hold it and talk to it and dress it up and take it out and post its pics on facebook, etc etc etc. Everything I do anymore, I think oh I can’t wait to do this with the baby or oh won’t this be challenging to do with a baby. The gender thing is also killing me, being a boy or girl is such an elemental part of who we are, as I pray for the baby and think about his or her future, the whole not knowing if its a boy or girl is a huge stumbling block there for me! I know I shouldn’t whine, when not long ago no one knew until the baby was actually born, but aaaah I want to know!
When i first thought of getting pregnant, really since I was first married, I just had this idea I would have a boy first, but over the last several months I will say it is getting hard for me to not think of the baby as a she. So if it is indeed not a she I really want to know so I can start thinking he thoughts!!!
I know this will be over really quickly all things considered, so I am trying to enjoy the being pregnant part too (though the throwing up thing is really hard to celebrate), but how can I really think of anything else while this tiny person is growing inside me (or while I am feeling so icky because of being pregnant?)? I daydream about the baby all the time, kind of like being in love I guess, when all you think about is that person and its just you and them apart from the whole world in a way. It also really helps me get through all the symptoms of being preggers too. So much to wonder about, aside from all the practical things to think about, whose eye color will baby have? What kind of personality will they start to show? What will their first words be? I can’t wait to go swimming and take the baby in the ocean! I love to think of David holding the baby too and thinking of father/daughter dates, or father/son hikes. One thought leads to another, and every conversation, everything I do seems to bring me back to baby.