Expectations

One of the many crazy things about pregnancy that I am finding is that it is a highly individualized experience at some points. I mean sure I feel comraderie with women who have gone through it and at times opinions of ladies who have are the only ones I care about. As helpful as it is to hear about others experiences, everyone deals with pregnancy differently and I just can’t let how other people felt or didn’t feel guide my expectations so much for what I will experience.

Right now I just hit 16 weeks, and about a week ago I had a couple days where I really didn’t have nausea to speak of. I thought I was through the danger zone and ready to soar into 2nd trimester action mode. I have thrown up every morning this week though, and I have never felt a burst of energy. I feel better, but not like the superwoman I wanted to be at this point. I am having to think that maybe if things don’t really change over the next couple of weeks I might not be feeling as great as I thought I would. When I got pregnant I really had visions of being a perfect pregnant woman, exercising everyday, eating nothing but unprocessed healthy foods and getting my house in perfect order, reading every book on all things baby etc etc. Um that has not been the case, I have spent a lot of time on the couch pretty much and I have mentioned that organic broccoli isn’t exactly one of the things I crave. So what do I take away from this? I am trying to be thankful for the times when I feel a little better of course and trying to also be thankful when I am not, trying to focus on how much I love my baby and how grateful I am to be pregnant no matter what. I fight getting nervous about being prepared, I thought this would be my time to zoom around doing all the things I couldnt do during the first trimester (esp. getting the baby’s room going, it is not a baby room right now at all) but right now I am still working on just getting through work and trying to do basic things like go into the kitchen to get a glass of milk without hurling. So a good time to think about how dependent I am on the Lord and also a good time to think about what makes me a good Mom and wife and child of God, it can’t be cooking and housework and entertaining right now, and maybe for me that is a good thing. It is too easy for us to fall into letting the things we do define us and give us worth, so maybe it is intentional on God’s part that some of those things are taken away from me during this time when I would really like to ramp all those things up.

Also, it is a good lesson in taking things day by day and realizing you get enough grace for each day and that is what you need.

So I still have hope this week will bring a concrete change, but if it doesn’t well I am sure there are things to learn from it all.

Finally, though it was been stretching for David and I marriage wise, he has been great at changing his expectations too and instead of going to movies doing the dishes or making dinner, so I am sure though it doesn’t seem ideal for us it might be a good learning curve before baby comes and our time together changes in a whole new set of ways.

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